#so different from the crowd
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actually why would laufey write letter to my 13 year old self. asking for a friend
#shes just like me but actually#Don't you worry 'bout your curly hair#Clothes that don't quite fit you anywhere#Voices echo in the gym#Another girl's had her first kiss#Please#don't think too much of it#darling#I'm so sorry that they pick you last#Try to say your foreign name and laugh#I know that you feel loud#so different from the crowd#Of big blue eyes#and long blonde hair#and boys that stare#ok laufey whatever you ask. i wont worry abt my curly hair and my foreign name and and and#(spoken like im 13. i am not)#the overdue asteroid strikes again#laufey#i felt so Wrong at 13 you dont understand#i too was picked last. it must be a 13 year old wasian thing
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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I don't think this contains spoilers but if you don't want to hear any book references or season 3 speculation be warned.
Reading the interview clip where Sam Reid said that Lestat is ripped from the stage by Magnus is wild because we know he knows the books, that's not how it happens there, so he's maybe let Rolin's version slip. Which, if holds true, would be a seismic change. Instead of being torn from Nicki's arms while they sleep, Lestat would be taken during a performance, in front of an audience. Surrounded by humanity, by those he loves, but not a soul can save him. The one place that brought him joy would now be connected to the trauma of Magnus and his turning. If he truly is going to be the catalyst for the theater becoming hunting grounds in the show, for better or worse, it would seem to be related to this change as well. Also, his rockstar moment would have a desperation to it that reflects the books but is tragic in its own way. It would all become devastating in a subtly different way than how Rice wrote it. Even events that only happen in the show would have a different impact. Like Armand first approaching him telepathically while he was on stage would now seem cruel and calculated, and later choosing to put the trial on stage. Sorry about the ramble but it blows my mind how much a small change, changes so much. The murder of the opera singer...the mocking of the Dracula film...the baby on the Mardi Gras float...would all feel different.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#armand#iwtv rambles#oh my god him first telling Louis he most fears being alone while they're at the theatre#the look the gentle reach for Louis hand#I guess the stage & acting was already connected to Magnus and his turning what with the stalking it would just have a very#different emotional subtext having the abduction happen in front of a crowd vs from his bed#half-asleep even Nicki wasn't sure what had happened in the book#but now it would become a public horror and not a private one.#where in the book he hides what's happened here he would have to immediately perform “human” because everyone would've seen something#or completely embrace being a monster and so maybe the creation of the tdv becomes his idea#maybe it wouldn't change the narrative much but at the least the emotional/psychological ripple to me seems seismic#it touches everything
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I've been moving and navigating further departmental nonsense etc (my pseudo-dissertation got approved for defending, though! l o l). But it was interesting to see the Worst P&P Takes poll I reblogged accumulating more results and the general tenor of responses in the notes.
I mean, the results are definitely to be expected if you're familiar with the side of Austen fandom doing a lot of the reblogging etc. But still, interesting!
Many Tumblr polls specify that they're asking about personal preferences that may be irrational—favorite/least favorite, coolest/most annoying, or something like that. This one, though, asked for the worst interpretation of P&P, not the most annoying one—and the current leader is "Darcy is never really proud, he's just shy and probably has anxiety" against some very steep competition on the Bad Takes front.
I was thinking about why that seemed a kind of tediously predictable choice even though I agree that the take is wrong, and realized that while I do disagree with the shy Darcy interpretation and I particularly disagree with the specific formulation where he is never proud at all, it ultimately feels to me like a failure of nuance rather than just completely wrongheaded like some of the others. And this is probably my fundamental difference with a lot of Darcy takes I see!
In my opinion, a character who is introverted and who feels awkward in various social situations and who doesn't like common social activities and who has to work himself up to talking to his crush and who is repeatedly suggested to behave very differently in contexts where he's more comfortable being interpreted as shy and anxious is not that big of a leap.
Yes, it's important that he is actually fundamentally confident and haughty, that he makes his personal feelings of discomfort other people's problem, and that he thinks he's such a unique and special butterfly that he doesn't need to even put in an effort outside his personal social circle. But it's a misreading that is easy to follow (and long predates the 2005 P&P, as I've mentioned before!).
The additional misreading that a shy and anxious Darcy is also never proud at all is a much more drastic leap, and in my experience, condemnations of shy Darcy interpretations rarely differentiate between "Darcy is shy as well as arrogant" and "Darcy is shy rather than arrogant" as interpretations (although their basic arguments are quite different). But even that as the worst possible misreading of P&P when Darcy is not even the main character is ?????????
I mean, for one alternative (not even the one I voted for!), the idea that Elizabeth is an author avatar Mary Sue seems a far worse misreading of P&P than basically anything to do with Darcy at all. The center piece of the entire novel is Elizabeth's epiphany of self-knowledge about her own shortcomings that do not particularly resemble Austen's at all, but were ethically a concern for her, and she's a complex, interesting character in general whom Austen correctly regarded as a major achievement. Inverting that into Elizabeth as an improbably perfect, reality-warping self-insert is deeply wrong and frankly pretty misogynistic as well.
(ngl though, it's a little funny to see such a blatantly terrible reading of Elizabeth rank so far behind the shy Darcy votes. I've gotten "does anyone actually think/say that?" so many times on my posts about Austen fandom's prioritization of Darcy's character development over Elizabeth's and yet...)
And even just going with the Darcy-centric misreadings, the idea of Darcy as a "bad boy" seems easily the most absolutely wrong take on him. His pride is at least complicated and the finer points can be fairly debated and it's a quality that actually changes somewhat throughout the novel, and you can have discussion over what happened when, whose testimonies should be weighted more, etc. But there is no point at which "bad boy" isn't utterly wrong for him. However, there's definitely a tendency in some wings of the fandom to find the idea of Darcy being misread too favorably more objectionable than him being read too unfavorably, regardless of the particulars, so it's not a surprise.
I suppose you could argue about what "worst" means in the context of variously bad interpretations. Like, is an interpretation that is about a fairly trivial aspect of the book but extremely wrong about it "worse" than an interpretation that is pretty bad but at least comprehensibly so about something very important?
#i remember years ago mentioning that i disagree with the darcy 'shy-ites' but am more opposed to the 'anti-shy-ites'#but was not exactly clear on why apart from their tendency to frame the anti-darcy position as more rigorous and less informed by adaptatio#(this was the case even before the 2005 came out but vastly more so afterwards and deeply annoying as a lesbian fan of the book)#(lesbian is pertinent because many dismissive anti-shy-ite takes assume that more positive interpretations of him#are based on attraction to a particular actor playing on him rather than the text. also it's more acceptable when it's colin firth somehow)#in any case for me it's like ... yeah i think the shy!darcy crowd is wrong but only because it's more complicated than that#not because it's completely baseless#and 'shy rather than proud' is truly wrong but there's enough emphasis on him being different than elizabeth thought all along that i get i#elizabeth as a mary sue or bad boy darcy or actually it's about toxic masculinity etc are just fundamentally wrong in a very basic way#that no amount of nuance or discussion of vocabulary can really address#anghraine babbles#austen blogging#austen fanwank#lady anne blogging#long post#poll nonsense#anghraine rants
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i want to delete my twitter account so fucking bad
#i grew my following off of anime stuff and now i'm into completely different stuff and i feel like posting about it -#will alienate my audience way too much#(if you wanna know - these days i hardly even watch one anime a year)#i wanna post about the fuckin saw movies and postal and weird video games and metalocalypse and music i like#and i want to post about my ocs without it feeling like i'm speaking gibberish to a crowd#but none of my followrs GIVE A FUCK#also i find it impossible to make friends on twt 😭😭😭😭 i have like 5 mutuals i'd consider friends#but alas i have too many industry pro followrs to just deactivate#and 40k followers is invaluable as someone whose only form of income rn is comms#tumblr has similar problems but at least i can talk about my ocs properly cuz of tagging#i don't like how monetized my account has become it feels so fucking disingenuous#it's just retweet retweet retweet post art retweet retweet#if twitter went under it'd be a blessing in disguise for me#oh well. suffering from success i guess#maybe one day i'll move accounts and KILL STARRYSHARKS ONCE AND FOR ALL#this is all 13 yr old me's fault#sorry for ranting/venting ig??? on main lol
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this isn't a revelation or anything but i just wanna say as a person with extremely shit vision, meaning that objects too far away are literally just blobs without my glasses, people with terrible eyesight can still recognise people/objects from far away as long as they are familiar enough. The same way you can recognise a close friend or smth from the back of their head. Like if my sister was standing halfway across the street she'd look like a brown blob but id still be able to tell it was her even if she was surrounded by a dozen other brown blobs of people.
I like to think that in the same way, at the end of his performance when he's looking directly at Victor, even though Yuuri can't see shit without his glasses and Victor is surrounded by a million other people, he can still pinpoint exactly where Victor is because he's such a familiar person, the only blob Yuuri can fully tell apart. He is Yuuri's blob.
#does this make sense#i know its not exactly shocking#bc OFC you can recognise familiar ppl#but seriously#without glasses everyone and everything just look like the same blob#sometimes different blobs get smushed together so its really hard to tell how many people there are when looking from a distance#the crowd probably looks like one giant fuzzy blob to him when hes on the ice#and victor gets mixed up in that'#but bc hes so used to victor#even though he technically shouldnt be able to recognise him amongst the haze#hes still able to#which would require a PRETTY GOOD knowledge of what the other person looks like#i just thought it was worth mentioning#blob#victuuri#yoi#yuri on ice#yuuri katsuki#victor nikiforov#my headcanons#headcanon
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im gonna be a dickhead for a second cause this is actually pissing me off:
i NEED y’all to deep the fact that most of these players do not care about what this man has done. carlos will probably shake his hand on sunday. maybe even a hug. they will compliment each other during the trophy presentation. no doubt the players will be asked again about the trial and no doubt the VAST majority of them will give the same non-answers as in australia. many of them are friends with him. many of these ‘friends’ are your faves. i’m not telling you to change your allegiance or find new players to be fans of or anything of that sort (this is the nature of sports, unfortunately a lot of them are very very flawed people, including many of the players i am a fan of). but i cannot sit here and watch all y’all go on saying ‘omg carlitos needs to defeat the evil on sunday 😣😖😫’ he literally does not care. most of them don’t. please, for the love of god, for everybody’s sake, i need us to understand this.
#alexander zverev#once again for blacklisting#look i get it i do#do i want carlos to win on sunday? abso-fucking-lutely!!#even if he was playing a different opponent#but can we not sit here and pretend like he’s some sort of hero sent from god to rid the tournament of this blight?#zverev’s actions are not some sort of superhero origin story#he’s not like a cartoon villain waiting for superman to swoop and defeat him to the oohs and aahs of the crowd#his crimes are not there so we can prop up whoever is good enough to beat him#stop using him as a tool to create a narrative for your favorite player to win#most of them are complicit in the atp’s non-action#you need to disconnect yourself for a second and remember the reality of the situation#it’s not about the tennis and it never should be made about the tennis#this is a real abuser who cause real harm and will not suffer any consequences#and is actively being protected not only by the organization but also by his peers#applauded by the media and fawned over by the fans#elected to the players council by his peers#please. please. we must give ourselves these reality checks.
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I can't stop thinking about this Umino Shota situation, so I'm gonna write about it.
Umino has been in a very weird position for quite a while now, when it comes to his character, his booking, and his crowd response. I feel like it has finally hit some kind of breaking point at the recent KOPW show.
When Umino walked out to challenge for the IWGP HW belt, he didn't just "get booed" - he got a mix of cold silence, some scattered booing, and some overt heckling from people in the crowd shouting "Go home" at him. That wasn't even the kind of booing you want in pro wrestling - it was an outright rejection of him by the crowd.
(You can hear the heckling starting at about 3 minutes in during this video - people in the crowd start shouting "Kaere!" "Go home!" This mix of scattered booing, icy quiet, and heckling is not the kind of response NJPW goes for even for actual heel wrestlers.)
It was also absolutely not the response that anybody there had planned for or anticipated. Umino looked legitimately upset, Zack immediately took action to calm down the crowd before things got ugly, and then Takagi came out to keep things moving when it was clear the crowd was not going to change their tone. If any of this response had been planned, they would've encouraged it instead, or at least given it a little more space to play out.
In his backstage comments afterwards, Umino addressed the comparison that fans have repeatedly been making between himself and Stardust Genius era Naito. Umino rejected that comparison.
(Personally, I agree that the two situations aren't identical, but for a different reason - Naito was a much more well-established wrestler when the crowd turned on him, while Umino has never even held a title.)
In any case, the fact that Umino is directly addressing the comparisons that fans keep making, rather than ignoring them, was noteworthy to me.
Today, an article about the situation was released in Tokyo Sports. Tokyo Sports is a kayfabe magazine, and anything published there is generally done to forward the intended story of the wrestlers involved.
The headline reads: Umino Shota - "Booing = Big Shot" Proof of his decision to fight for the IWGP "Even Tanahashi-san himself said, I'm leaving it to you, Sho-chan"
This is... not helping to counter the feelings of the fans that Umino is being given a spot he doesn't deserve, to say the least. And quoting Tanahashi calling him the cutesy nickname "Sho-chan" isn't helping either.
With this being addressed directly in the kayfabe ToSpo, I have to believe it means they'll be addressing it directly in the storyline as well. And it's very easy to imagine some scenarios where they could repeat the infamous fan vote that eventually turned Naito ungovernable. But with the differences between Naito's situation and Umino's, I'm not sure how well this will actually work if they do end up trying it...
As for my own feelings about all this - I don't like or dislike Umino as a wrestler right now - more than anything, I feel like he hasn't solidified as a wrestler enough for me to have much of an opinion on him yet. But this whole situation has been fascinating to watch as it plays out.
#umino shota#njpw#shota umino#All this stuff is just my opinion obviously#Umino's situation does remind me a lot of Naito's previous situation in a whole lot of ways but it's very different in a few key ways too#Naito was much more established. The crowd turning on him felt like it came from a much more organic place too.#But I believe they both come from the same essential issue - the crowd feeling a lack of authenticity#I don't particularly blame Umino for any of this by the way if that isn't obvious. He's doing the best he can with the situation.#Anyway I'm still not up to posting much but I could not stop thinking about this so I thought maybe writing it down would help
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my favourite writing device is having an un-Rei-liable narrator
#rei#volo#cheren#// tikposting#// character meta#the crowd booes me off the stage#forgive the pun XDDD his name is too easy to pun on#the way i write it it's not a conscious choice. it's just how the pov character (rei) experiences and contextualises the world#revealing backstory and personality and mindset through narration !!!!#not necessarily out of malice it's just. how he views things#interpreting new and foreign experiences through the lens of what came before...#conversations which read differently to different people.#in the context of rei that's stuff like unease around authority figures#always choosing his words carefully to project an image of competence (he has to be needed)#distrust and not taking things at face value but also paradoxically a fragile and nurtured sense of almost blind optimism#when it comes to friendships. like volo. (everyone turned on me when the sky turned red but it all resolved itself in the end didn't it?)#(what makes this different? / a lot of things. / i choose to believe)#volo [directly]: “i won't be stopped from my goal” rei thoughts: we can work with this!!!!#and everything with Arceus too and his divine blessings and a plan that will work out in the end#if Rei can just... figure out what part he's meant to play. interpreting events as a narrative hurtling towards some unknown conclusion#i am talking about rei here specifically but this writing device is so good in general#would be fun to try get inside volo's head. there's so much going on there i don't understand yet#quite fond of that one analysis post about how volo lacks emotional intelligence and sees relationships as transactions#not necessarily out of malice it's just how he views things. whether because of past experience or brain chemistry#also need to give a shout to cheren my guy who is an outsider pov who projects his own experiences onto new things so that he Understands#(an outsider to Hilbert and N's clash of truth and ideals. life changing experience and knowledge but felt just a little off to the left)#(the narrative repeated again with new heroes. all he can do is help them but it falls on their shoulders in the end)#(no wonder he tries to insert himself into Situations)#anyway tag ramble over feel free to also ramble to me about your takes XD#rei pokemon
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my pov of dream getting emotional during uieud, the crowd singing for him and him hiding his face in his arm like FUCK
#dreamwastaken#la droncerts#la droncert night 2#the whole show had such different vibes from the other two i want to#and it was so perfect#like he told us during ult mng that he was more intimidated by the smaller crowd#and you could tell i think in the way he let himself be more experimental kind of as a way to overcome the anxiety#like#especially with invincible stripped version i feel like people are t talking about#it was sosososososo good#ugh anyways#i could talk about this experiment for everrr#and maybe i will#:]
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I wrote a new Les Mis fanfiction, in a Victor-Hugo-inspired writing style! The summary:
Jean Valjean, exhausted from the barricades and the sewer, somehow finds the strength to drag Javert out of the Seine. He has no strength left for anything else. The situation rapidly devolves into tragicomedy.
Inspired by a tumblr post from @ Alicedrawslesmis:
“Oh god can you imagine Valjean having to jump into the Seine to get Javert out? the man has had No sleep for the past idk 40 hours and just had to crawl through 5 miles of sewer carrying a dead body and thinks he’s going to lose everything to the law and then this fucking asshole jumps off a bridge? and he has to jump after him? and swim like an olympic athlete against the current to get the guy out of the water from the rapids? that’s too much. That’s just god fucking with him at this point.
Valjean pulls Javert out of the water and passes out from the exhaustion of the last two days and Javert is like ’…great. Now I have to drag this man back to his apartment AGAIN’ but Javert is also exhausted from the last two days so it’s just a comedy of errors”
Thanks to @shitpostingfromthebarricade and @fremedon for beta reading, and to @alicedrawslesmis and @valvertweek for the inspiration!
Here is the link! : D
#les mis#valvert#not gonna lie this is my favorite fanfic I’ve written so far#I had fun and I hope people enjoy it :3#having beta readers really helped ! (barri and Ellen)#I hope the valvert crowd likes this one…though it’s a very different take than most of the stuff I see in the fandom XD#you can debate me on my characterizations but i can defend all my choices with textual evidence#and as usual all the weirdest stuff is just straight from the brick#(ex Javert hating thinking.)
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Haikyuu!! The Dumpster Battle is supposed to be a movie about the long-awaited showdown match between eternal rivals Karasuno Vs. Nekoma, but the truth is it's really a love letter tribute to Nekoma and a beautiful sendoff to the best match they ever played. Karusuno may have won the game, but it is the players of Nekoma who are the protagonists of this chapter of the story.
Nostalgic, right-in-the-feels stuff, all the members had their moment and I am soft! Highly encourage a big-screen viewing because the volleyball gets served way, WAY high! Even if you aren't already a fan of Nekoma you'll still come out of this movie entertained. And since it's hitting movie screens in more countries than your usual niche anime movie, it's a chance not to be missed.
Bonus: I went for a fan screening that came with a 33.5 bonus booklet and it is my favorite thing ever because it has pages with Furudate's chicken scratches and I live to see such drafts honestly because nothing like feeling your art level is finally on par with the pros; so inspired, ahahaha!
#haikyuu!! the dumpster battle#Very fun watch but tbh I wish the audience in my screening were a little more fired up esp during the matches#Had this been a irl match the crowd would've made SO much noise#The Slam Dunk fan screening's audience definitely reacted more strongly to all the plays in the matches perfect audience atmosphere#This crowd was a little more polite and quiet so the crowd mood is less immersive but I guess the demographic is a lil different after all.#Gentle reminder that even the best of artists start from (chicken) scratch and if their art can reach greatness then so can yours!#Just keep going#and everything will flow
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Medieval fair pics >:D
I got to spend the weekend promoting and demonstrating what we do at LARP, a.k.a whacking eachother with cool looking weapons
It was a good weekend 🫶
#my post#I play a battle mage named Ciris so that’s why you can see me lobbing colourful fabric packets at people in the photos#We’re all a bunch of nerds who got put in front of a crowd and we ran with it man. The theatrics were on point yesterday#And I got to meet new friends from so many different LARPs#Im just happie :}#LARP#larp costume#larp character
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Mr. Boldwood you deserved love
You deserved happiness
You deserved BETTER
(I am strictly speaking on the 2015 adaptation)
#far from the madding crowd#michael sheen#william boldwood#he was so charming to the point I wanted a different end#why is always playing characters who get second place in love WHY
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transmascs stop pretending that transfems are untrustworthy sources for transfeminism challenge impos- fuck i didn't even finish and you already complained about our terminology
#i really hate the expectation to know theory in these shit communities#they're barely communities it feels like on here trans people are unified by strict categorization#constantly infinitely expanding definitions but treating them as immutable and emergent from the core of reality#rather that words used to describe things we experience or the positions we are placed in my transphobic society#we're unified by who is mean to us more than wether or not we actually like each other#and so we must always be ready to litigate our position in these spaces#because they must be Definitionally justified rather than just having a real community where we're treated like human beings#i wish we still had our elders... i wish we weren't so adverse to learning humanly#i wish i could escape the weird black and white fandom thinking but it worms it's way into every community here now#this is why i keep lamenting old t4t spaces#we weren't there to argue theory#we weren't opposed to learning it in fact it was useful and joyful to share with each other#to help describe our experiences and understand where we've been placed in the world#but that's not why we were there#we were there for community to be kind to each other#now it's nothing but a bunch of teenage fandom tme people arguing with fake versions of trans women they invented in their heads#while we just hide in the background wondering if the word community means something different now#or if we're really just so evil to our very cores that we were foolish to think we could have community in the first place#sorry just#needed to vent this shit has been in my head for a while#i wasn't in a place to go to gay bars or trans events when i was first here#i couldn't have local community so finding one here with transfems who loved each other#it was so important to me#and learning that i could cater to that small but kind audience in my sex work is what made me finally love doing it#before then i'd been doing it purely cuz i couldn't get any other job#and before that because i was forced to#there's a lot of trauma wrapped up in my work for me but i healed from it largely because of my sisters i found on here#but i don't know when it went away but it did#and now it feels like we're left in a massive crowd of screaming voices#and i don't recognize any of them anymore
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I feel soo disconnected from the tiktok side of the fandom like I just feel like they're completely different from me & that feels weird considering I always thought I get along well with any person who is a swiftie
#bc swifties used to be a certain kind of people who were v similar to me personality-wise#& with taylor's popularity i feel like there are now also fans who are completely different from me#maybe that is the true reason why i don't like taylor's popularity atm idk#it's just that taylor was always the artist for me & the ppl who also felt like they don't fit in anywhere#& now she's popular among the 'popular' crowd & so i no longer feel like i fully belong into the fandom??? if that makes sense#although i'm ofc happy for taylor & her success#if that makes sense
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